Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
It started out great! I got to Skype with my amazing boyfriend for almost two hours!
Then after that things got a little sketchy.
1. The water pressure wasn't the greatest in the shower...so it took me extra long.
2. I got to class only to find out we were walking to the market to learn about Dominican vudu....and everyone was waiting for me. oops.
3. On our way to the market I stepped in a puddle of water and basically wiped out in the middle of the sidewalk. The funny part is I was telling a story about dance, so they thought I was "showing them some moves"...nope. just making a fool out of myself.
4. While in the market I blacked out and almost fainted....had to sit down and chug some water.
5. After the market our "lovely" teacher tells us we have a 2 page paper due tomorrow about what we learned today. (while I was attempting to stay conscious.)
6. I have an extremely bad headache and I keep getting back spasms.
On a better note. I have figured out a way to keep things moving along: I will find things each week to look forward to. I am determined to make time fly by. I miss my home.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
So much has happened.
My phone broke...I made it past half way...I had a week full of stress and tests and papers...everything.
But now...I don't know if it's the left over stress from all of it, or the fact that half way can mean so many things. Yes, the second half might go faster, but I have only done half of it....there is still half left...that is so much. Also, I wanna go home....but my host family, my real family here, when will I get to see them again? What am I gonna do not hearing "nana" every time I open my bedroom door?
Also..I am graduating. I am entering the "real world"...but what am I going to do? Where will I work? Am I moving downstate? Can I get a job? Can I afford a place to live? I am trying not to worry...but two months is not a long time...but it is.
My emotions have been crazy lately. I got some exciting news today...but I still feel so sad. My step-dad is coming here for three weeks...but I can't seem to get over the fact that I am still not home. What can I do? I am trying to keep praying...trying to focus on God...but I feel no change.
My emotions right now: alkdsfjoaiwej; kaldsjfoiawejrklj
Pray for me. Please.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Why do I always struggle with this? Why do I continue to not have faith that God will get me through? Why does what I want always seem the best, and why do I think that in the end I may not get what I want? God doesn't do things in our timing, he does them in his own. Ugh. Patience.
Monday, February 10, 2014
A lot of times I take to forgiveness too quickly...as I have learned in past relationships, forgiveness does not mean you continue to let a person in your life to continue to hurt you. Of course, in any relationship...you dont give up on someone when they make mistakes or the wrong thing slips out. But the important thing is to realize when it wasnt a mistake...or when they truly are not good for you.
Now...dont get crazy. This has no reflection on my relationship right now. But it makes perfect sense as to why I continued to let myself continue in past relationships that I knew werent good for me...or the other person. I just needed to learn that forgiving someone...doesn't mean you need to keep them in your heart.
Now that my lesson is learned...my heart is capable of so much more love than I ever imagened...because there is more room for Jesus. <3
Friday, February 7, 2014
Well...honesty. I guess I don't have a huge problem with telling lies...as I do with actually speaking the truth. I believe that most of that problem branches from the fact that I am never honest with myself. I constantly tell myself things are okay...things don't need to change...things will work themselves out. When I know deep down that they won't. I need to admit to myself that there is something not necessarily right...or not Godly going on before I can expect anything to get better. How can God change my heart if I don't let him?! I need to start getting serious. Start actually being honest with my heart and with God. Because the way I have been living isn't helping me...or anyone. It is only harming my heart. I need to be truthful. Completely truthful.
I need Jesus to change my heart. <3 I can't do it without him.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Why do I continue to think I will be satisfied by earthly love? No one can love me the way that God does....his unending love is unlike any love I will ever experience here on earth. Does that mean I can't love my boyfriend, my husband, my friends? No. It means that if I don't love God first....I can't love them the way that they deserve. The hard part is that sometimes I lose heart, and I forget that when relationships falter and we stumble and feel helpless, God's love will never fail us. He is always faithful.
"God's love for us is unending and will never change. What a wonderful feeling it is to know that you are cared for with such a perfect love! This relationship you have with the Lord can help you through any struggle you may face. Knowing He is there with you and will never leave you can be a great encouragement."
I think that paragraph speaks for itself...you just have to let it be an encouragement, and that....is the hard part.