Faith.

The hardest part about having unwavering faith, is when your prayers aren't answered the way that you had hoped.  Things go the wrong way and things change, but we must trust that God is doing things to give us the best outcome.  When we pray, we mustn't pray for a certain outcome, but for God to do what He knows is best for us because we are struggling.  God is the only one who knows what is best and He is the only one who knows where our lives are going.  We sometimes think we know what is best and we sometimes think we know what the best outcome of a situation is, but that is when we really need to have the most Faith of all. We don't always know what is best because our judgement is often clouded by the wants of the flesh.

Why do I always struggle with this? Why do I continue to not have faith that God will get me through? Why does what I want always seem the best, and why do I think that in the end I may not get what I want?  God doesn't do things in our timing, he does them in his own.  Ugh. Patience.

Forgiveness

A lot of times I take to forgiveness too quickly...as I have learned in past relationships, forgiveness does not mean you continue to let a person in your life to continue to hurt you. Of course, in any relationship...you dont give up on someone when they make mistakes or the wrong thing slips out. But the important thing is to realize when it wasnt a mistake...or when they truly are not good for you.

Now...dont get crazy. This has no reflection on my relationship right now. But it makes perfect sense as to why I continued to let myself continue in past relationships that I knew werent good for me...or the other person. I just needed to learn that forgiving someone...doesn't mean you need to keep them in your heart.

Now that my lesson is learned...my heart is capable of so much more love than I ever imagened...because there is more room for Jesus. <3

Honesty.

Well...honesty. I guess I don't have a huge problem with telling lies...as I do with actually speaking the truth. I believe that most of that problem branches from the fact that I am never honest with myself. I constantly tell myself things are okay...things don't need to change...things will work themselves out. When I know deep down that they won't. I need to admit to myself that there is something not necessarily right...or not Godly going on before I can expect anything to get better. How can God change my heart if I don't let him?! I need to start getting serious. Start actually being honest with my heart and with God. Because the way I have been living isn't helping me...or anyone. It is only harming my heart. I need to be truthful. Completely truthful.

I need Jesus to change my heart. <3 I can't do it without him.

Love.

"Everyone has a desire to be loved by someone. What many people do not realize is that they are already loved beyond our comprehension."


Why do I continue to think I will be satisfied by earthly love? No one can love me the way that God does....his unending love is unlike any love I will  ever experience here on earth. Does that mean I can't love my boyfriend, my husband, my friends? No. It means that if I don't love God first....I can't love them the way that they deserve. The hard part is that sometimes I lose heart, and I forget that when relationships falter and we stumble and feel helpless, God's love will never fail us. He is always faithful.

"God's love for us is unending and will never change.  What a wonderful feeling it is to know that you are cared for with such a perfect love!  This relationship you have with the Lord can help you through any struggle you may face.  Knowing He is there with you and will never leave you can be a great encouragement."


I think that paragraph speaks for itself...you just have to let it be an encouragement, and that....is the hard part.


<3

Patience.

When reading my devotional today I found myself puzzled.  I have begun to notice that my patience with people and grown.  Especially in my relationship I have found that my patience has been tried and I have grown in how patient I can be with Eric and whatever we are going through...but what is really puzzling, is the fact that my patience with God seems to be so weak.  I know God has great plans for me, I know he is doing things that I can't even begin to imagine and I know he is doing things in my relationships that is much needed for success, but somehow I don't seem to be content with waiting. I tell myself that I am, but when it comes down to it....I am extremely impatient.

So, now that I see this...what do I do? Well, I guess I pray...pray for God to give me patience...pray for God to ease my worries and to help me push the devil away from putting negative thoughts in my mind. Because that is exactly what it is...it is the devil putting those thoughts in my head to push me further away from God.  I can't let him win! I need to push through! Sometimes you just need to stop and say...out loud..."No, devil, you are not welcome here! God is here, God is in control, and I will not let you push me away from him!"



"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."
-James 4:7

  

Courage.

My devotional today talks about courage...about trusting in God to have your back when things get hard or when you get lonely.  Being here, I am not only without my familiar friends and family, but I am also in a group with 13 other students who don't have nearly as strong of faith as I do...some of which don't even believe in God at all.  God puts us in these situations so that we can be a light in their darkness, but a lot of times it is easier to blend in and go with the crowd so that you aren't the odd man out.  One thing that being here has helped me realize, is that it is so important for me to stick out.   Because I am here alone and I have learned to put my focus on God and be open about my faith there have been times where I needed to take out my Bible in a group of people purely because I needed a little bit of God's word to get me through a hard situation.  A lot of people ask about my faith and I have even shared a little bit of what I believe with one of my teachers. Yes, branching out and sharing your faith is a difficult thing, but just as Jesus was with his disciples when their boat was caught in a storm...he is with me in my difficult times...all I have to do is ask.



So....speaking of school! It has been almost a full three weeks since I started classes and the work load is finally starting to accumulate. The last few days I have spent doing homework and reading TONS of articles and books for my classes. I didn't have to purchase any textbooks this semester, but I have had to copy several pages from text that was provided by my teachers. Thankfully at least two of the novels I need to read in my literature class are offered in bilingual format...so that I can read in Spanish on one page and on the next page it is in English.  I am excited for most of my classes, but they will definitely be hard work.

This weekend my host mom invited me to go do something with her on the "Malecon," the street that lines the ocean.  She didn't really give me much detail as to what was going on...but she did say we would be walking about 4 km.  I am excited to see what we will do and I am also really looking forward to spending some time with her so that we can get to know each other a little better.

I am so happy that God has touched my life and brought me here to this special place. I will keep these memories with me for the rest of my life.

Temptation.

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

-1 Corinthians 10:13



Temptations....we all have them. Usually we have that one thing that really gets us, that is our hardest to overcome. For some its alcohol, others gambling...for me? Giving up....taking the easy way out. When things get hard I just want them to go away, I want it just to automatically be easier so that it will go away and I won't have to deal with it. That isn't what God wants for me...how am I ever supposed to sustain a marriage when all I want to do is give up when it gets hard?  Well...that is why I am here. Yes, I am learning Spanish and finishing my degree....but nothing is more important than the lesson that God is trying to teach me while I am here.  Perseverance. I must keep on keepin on. I know I can...I just have to do it....on my own (which is the hardest part).


So now that I know my temptations...how is it that I avoid them? Well, sometimes I can't avoid it...I just have to go through it. I can't give up...there is no possible way to give up on this. I paid 15 grand to be here...I will not waste it. I will not waste this opportunity. So this is how God pushes me...he puts me in a situation that I cannot give up on. I cannot give in to my temptation...and that is how I learn.


He knows what is best...and I must trust in Him.