Laziness.

Well, I was kind of on a brief hiatus.  It wasn't really bad...I wasn't straying from God or anything...I just wasn't really putting what I was learning out there.  I was kinda just being lazy.

I think the most important thing I have been learning in the past few weeks is to focus on now.  I have been getting really excited about going home and it has started to cloud my vision of now.  I have to remember that I have a lot of things to do here still.  I have 5 papers to write...well, 4 now...I have family here to visit, I have friends to spend time with that I may never see again, and I have this weather and this island to enjoy, because I have no idea when I will be able to come back.  God put me here for a reason, at this spot, on this day.  I can't just glide through this special day just looking forward to 18 days from now.  Yes, I can be excited to go home and see my family, and my boyfriend, and graduate from college. But right now God has me here, and here is where He wants my mind.

Another thing that I have been struggling with lately is laziness.  The weather has been getting hotter, and with the heat comes my wanting to just lay around under my fan and do nothing.  That is so unhealthy in many ways.  1. I have homework to get done! 2. I have friends to see, people to hang out with. 3. I need to spend time focusing on God, not laying in my bed watching movies/Boy Meets World all day.   I think getting out for the weekend and spending time with my family has definitely been helping.  I get to see people and do things other than watch movies.  This coming week is going to be hard for me because I have no classes, and I will want to just spend my time doing nothing, but I have to work on my final projects (5 papers and 3 presentations).  But I also have to remember to get out and do stuff, because working on my final projects is important, but I will go crazy if that is all I do all week!

So anyway, this was mostly just a rant on how I need to get off my butt.

I am so grateful for this experience that God has given me and what He has taught me through the last 3.5 months. I am sad to go, but I am happy to be going home.  I will forever have these 4 months and I will especially remember them as the time I got to spend getting closer to my amazing family.


God is good <3

Things are changing.

Everything I have been through while here has been such a gift. I am so new...I feel like I can look at the world in such a new way. I can see a change in my heart that is greater than any gift God has ever given me. He is preparing me for some serious things in my future, some sooner than others.

I am so excited to move out and get a "real job" and start living a life without school for a while. Yes, I will miss my family, but I know that God has big plans for me!

These last 69 days have made me closer than ever to Eric, and I couldn't be happier with the relationship that we have.

There are 51 days left. I am ready to go home, but looking at the last 69 days I can't wait to see what more God can show me in the days I have remaining. Life is such a gift, and living it with God at my side is so amazing.

I am starting to get really excited for Camp this summer...not only because I love it, but because I am so excited to share what I have learned with some young minds that are eager to soak up some serious Jesus knowledge.

These last 69 days have showed me that I want to work with people. I don't know how, or in what career, but I know that I love kids...and just people in general. I know God will put me where he needs me and I am so excited for that opportunity!

<3

One of those days...

Welp. Today was not my day.

It started out great! I got to Skype with my amazing boyfriend for almost two hours!

Then after that things got a little sketchy.

1. The water pressure wasn't the greatest in the shower...so it took me extra long.
2. I got to class only to find out we were walking to the market to learn about Dominican vudu....and everyone was waiting for me. oops.
3. On our way to the market I stepped in a puddle of water and basically wiped out in the middle of the sidewalk. The funny part is I was telling a story about dance, so they thought I was "showing them some moves"...nope. just making a fool out of myself.
4. While in the market I blacked out and almost fainted....had to sit down and chug some water.
5. After the market our "lovely" teacher tells us we have a 2 page paper due tomorrow about what we learned today. (while I was attempting to stay conscious.)
6. I have an extremely bad headache and I keep getting back spasms.


On a better note. I have figured out a way to keep things moving along: I will find things each week to look forward to. I am determined to make time fly by. I miss my home.

Everything...

I haven't posted in a while.

So much has happened.

My phone broke...I made it past half way...I had a week full of stress and tests and papers...everything.

But now...I don't know if it's the left over stress from all of it, or the fact that half way can mean so many things. Yes, the second half might go faster, but I have only done half of it....there is still half left...that is so much. Also, I wanna go home....but my host family, my real family here, when will I get to see them again? What am I gonna do not hearing "nana" every time I open my bedroom door?

Also..I am graduating. I am entering the "real world"...but what am I going to do? Where will I work? Am I moving downstate? Can I get a job? Can I afford a place to live? I am trying not to worry...but two months is not a long time...but it is.

My emotions have been crazy lately. I got some exciting news today...but I still feel so sad. My step-dad is coming here for three weeks...but I can't seem to get over the fact that I am still not home. What can I do? I am trying to keep praying...trying to focus on God...but I feel no change.

My emotions right now: alkdsfjoaiwej; kaldsjfoiawejrklj


Pray for me. Please.

<3

Faith.

The hardest part about having unwavering faith, is when your prayers aren't answered the way that you had hoped.  Things go the wrong way and things change, but we must trust that God is doing things to give us the best outcome.  When we pray, we mustn't pray for a certain outcome, but for God to do what He knows is best for us because we are struggling.  God is the only one who knows what is best and He is the only one who knows where our lives are going.  We sometimes think we know what is best and we sometimes think we know what the best outcome of a situation is, but that is when we really need to have the most Faith of all. We don't always know what is best because our judgement is often clouded by the wants of the flesh.

Why do I always struggle with this? Why do I continue to not have faith that God will get me through? Why does what I want always seem the best, and why do I think that in the end I may not get what I want?  God doesn't do things in our timing, he does them in his own.  Ugh. Patience.

Forgiveness

A lot of times I take to forgiveness too quickly...as I have learned in past relationships, forgiveness does not mean you continue to let a person in your life to continue to hurt you. Of course, in any relationship...you dont give up on someone when they make mistakes or the wrong thing slips out. But the important thing is to realize when it wasnt a mistake...or when they truly are not good for you.

Now...dont get crazy. This has no reflection on my relationship right now. But it makes perfect sense as to why I continued to let myself continue in past relationships that I knew werent good for me...or the other person. I just needed to learn that forgiving someone...doesn't mean you need to keep them in your heart.

Now that my lesson is learned...my heart is capable of so much more love than I ever imagened...because there is more room for Jesus. <3

Honesty.

Well...honesty. I guess I don't have a huge problem with telling lies...as I do with actually speaking the truth. I believe that most of that problem branches from the fact that I am never honest with myself. I constantly tell myself things are okay...things don't need to change...things will work themselves out. When I know deep down that they won't. I need to admit to myself that there is something not necessarily right...or not Godly going on before I can expect anything to get better. How can God change my heart if I don't let him?! I need to start getting serious. Start actually being honest with my heart and with God. Because the way I have been living isn't helping me...or anyone. It is only harming my heart. I need to be truthful. Completely truthful.

I need Jesus to change my heart. <3 I can't do it without him.

Love.

"Everyone has a desire to be loved by someone. What many people do not realize is that they are already loved beyond our comprehension."


Why do I continue to think I will be satisfied by earthly love? No one can love me the way that God does....his unending love is unlike any love I will  ever experience here on earth. Does that mean I can't love my boyfriend, my husband, my friends? No. It means that if I don't love God first....I can't love them the way that they deserve. The hard part is that sometimes I lose heart, and I forget that when relationships falter and we stumble and feel helpless, God's love will never fail us. He is always faithful.

"God's love for us is unending and will never change.  What a wonderful feeling it is to know that you are cared for with such a perfect love!  This relationship you have with the Lord can help you through any struggle you may face.  Knowing He is there with you and will never leave you can be a great encouragement."


I think that paragraph speaks for itself...you just have to let it be an encouragement, and that....is the hard part.


<3

Patience.

When reading my devotional today I found myself puzzled.  I have begun to notice that my patience with people and grown.  Especially in my relationship I have found that my patience has been tried and I have grown in how patient I can be with Eric and whatever we are going through...but what is really puzzling, is the fact that my patience with God seems to be so weak.  I know God has great plans for me, I know he is doing things that I can't even begin to imagine and I know he is doing things in my relationships that is much needed for success, but somehow I don't seem to be content with waiting. I tell myself that I am, but when it comes down to it....I am extremely impatient.

So, now that I see this...what do I do? Well, I guess I pray...pray for God to give me patience...pray for God to ease my worries and to help me push the devil away from putting negative thoughts in my mind. Because that is exactly what it is...it is the devil putting those thoughts in my head to push me further away from God.  I can't let him win! I need to push through! Sometimes you just need to stop and say...out loud..."No, devil, you are not welcome here! God is here, God is in control, and I will not let you push me away from him!"



"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you."
-James 4:7

  

Courage.

My devotional today talks about courage...about trusting in God to have your back when things get hard or when you get lonely.  Being here, I am not only without my familiar friends and family, but I am also in a group with 13 other students who don't have nearly as strong of faith as I do...some of which don't even believe in God at all.  God puts us in these situations so that we can be a light in their darkness, but a lot of times it is easier to blend in and go with the crowd so that you aren't the odd man out.  One thing that being here has helped me realize, is that it is so important for me to stick out.   Because I am here alone and I have learned to put my focus on God and be open about my faith there have been times where I needed to take out my Bible in a group of people purely because I needed a little bit of God's word to get me through a hard situation.  A lot of people ask about my faith and I have even shared a little bit of what I believe with one of my teachers. Yes, branching out and sharing your faith is a difficult thing, but just as Jesus was with his disciples when their boat was caught in a storm...he is with me in my difficult times...all I have to do is ask.



So....speaking of school! It has been almost a full three weeks since I started classes and the work load is finally starting to accumulate. The last few days I have spent doing homework and reading TONS of articles and books for my classes. I didn't have to purchase any textbooks this semester, but I have had to copy several pages from text that was provided by my teachers. Thankfully at least two of the novels I need to read in my literature class are offered in bilingual format...so that I can read in Spanish on one page and on the next page it is in English.  I am excited for most of my classes, but they will definitely be hard work.

This weekend my host mom invited me to go do something with her on the "Malecon," the street that lines the ocean.  She didn't really give me much detail as to what was going on...but she did say we would be walking about 4 km.  I am excited to see what we will do and I am also really looking forward to spending some time with her so that we can get to know each other a little better.

I am so happy that God has touched my life and brought me here to this special place. I will keep these memories with me for the rest of my life.

Temptation.

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

-1 Corinthians 10:13



Temptations....we all have them. Usually we have that one thing that really gets us, that is our hardest to overcome. For some its alcohol, others gambling...for me? Giving up....taking the easy way out. When things get hard I just want them to go away, I want it just to automatically be easier so that it will go away and I won't have to deal with it. That isn't what God wants for me...how am I ever supposed to sustain a marriage when all I want to do is give up when it gets hard?  Well...that is why I am here. Yes, I am learning Spanish and finishing my degree....but nothing is more important than the lesson that God is trying to teach me while I am here.  Perseverance. I must keep on keepin on. I know I can...I just have to do it....on my own (which is the hardest part).


So now that I know my temptations...how is it that I avoid them? Well, sometimes I can't avoid it...I just have to go through it. I can't give up...there is no possible way to give up on this. I paid 15 grand to be here...I will not waste it. I will not waste this opportunity. So this is how God pushes me...he puts me in a situation that I cannot give up on. I cannot give in to my temptation...and that is how I learn.


He knows what is best...and I must trust in Him.

Disappointment.

How am I supposed to not be disappointed when things don't go the way that makes me happy?  I am supposed to trust that God has something huge planned for me....something much better than any expectation I had.  But why is it so hard to just be content with it? Why is it so hard to take this time and use it to further God's kingdom...to use it for His glory?  Why is is so hard to trust that He is doing something wonderful?  I can't be disappointed, I can't be sad, because not everyone gets this opportunity. Not everyone can experience what I am experiencing.  I get to meet amazing new people and see my family and be away from the cold for a while....if I get to do all of those things....why is it so hard to not be sad? I'm trying. I'm praying. I'm doing my best...but I can't will myself to feel better.


I'm not giving up. I won't give up. I know it will get better...because this is God's plan.  He will provide. And sometimes you have to wait a while to get to the good stuff.


My devotional today says: "God says that all things work together for good to those that love God. That means that even our disappointments work toward something that is good for us. Perhaps God is teaching you how to come to Him when you feel disappointment or discouragement.  He may just be waiting for you to ask Him to show you what you need to do in your life from this point forward. If you are struggling with a disappointment, go to God in prayer and ask Him to help you.  He has sent us a comforter to help us through these difficult times.  Remember that He already has a plan for you and has worked everything out to your good.  Take joy in knowing that God is in control."

So that is what I must do.

Gotta push through

It has been over a week....because I haven't really felt in the mood to write or do my devotionals or I guess do much of anything in this last week.  This past week I have been feeling really home sick...all I want to do is be in my own bed, with my family and with my boyfriend.  I could even go for a snow storm right now...

Until now this has been like a vacation, meeting up with old friends and meeting new friends.  But now is when it gets real. My classes begin to have more homework and my group starts to branch of into little cliques. I would give anything to just sit and have breakfast with Sheena, lay on the couch and watch a movie with Eric, sit at the table and do a puzzle with my family, or just hang out and watch sports with my daddy.  But that's not what God has planned for me right now.  God is putting me through all of this for some reasons that I can see, and others that are hard for me to grasp.  I know I must learn to support myself, be on my own, manage my money and take care of myself, but being away from everyone makes it hard to want to make the best of it.

There are 97 days until I come home...which seems like a long time.  But something I need to realize is that I have already been here for 22 days and they have flown by! I have 14 weeks left here, and I don't want to spend it feeling sad and wishing I was home.  I know that everything and everyone will be waiting for me when I get back home and that things may have moved ahead...but my relationships won't have changed.  And the good part is...I will have so many more relationships from my experience here that when I go home I will have so many people to visit!

This is where I begin to change....this is where I need to prioritize.  If I want things to go well, if I want to make the best of this, I need to perk up. I need to pray, and keep God close.  He will guide me and help me fulfill my purpose here in the Dominican Republic this semester.  I need to pray, at least twice a day.  When I get up in the morning I need to thank Him for letting me wake up, pray that he will protect me in my day and ask him for opportunities to spread his love and his word.  Before I go to sleep I need to thank him for my day, thank him for the situations he put me in and for the opportunities he gave me to love and serve him.  I need to ask him to protect me during the night and to keep me safe so I can return home to the people I love.

God, thank you for this opportunity. Thank you for bringing me here to speak to the hearts of these wonderful people and to help me learn from them.  I pray that you would help me work through my sadness and help me not let it get the best of me.  Help me enjoy every moment of every day.  Help me use this time to strengthen my relationships and grow in my relationship with You.  Thank you for all you have done for me, thank you for protecting me, and thank you for giving your life for my sins.  I pray all this in your Holy name.  Amen.

Doing Your Best

It's funny that my devotional for today would be titled this...because that is definitely not what happened :(

So today, I am doing my homework...being distracted by everything.  But the reading was so hard, and not interesting at all!  It was about Latin America before the Spanish conquest...just documents and texts. Not only was it not interesting....I couldn't understand 90% of it! So instead of doing it ahead of time and working through it slowly...I procrastinated and read through it poorly.  This is not what God wants of me.  He wants me to put 100% into EVERYTHING that I do. That includes school work as well as reading my Bible and even something as simple as keeping plans with a friend.  I want to please God in everything I do, and to do that I must do my best and work my hardest. Sometimes it may be hard, but I know that God knows I am capable, and so I will continue to follow in His footsteps.



Now...as for the movie the other night. I didn't go....class wore me out and I just couldn't go watch a movie that I needed to concentrate on. :P  The past couple days I have had nearly no motivation...I think the heat is getting to me.  But hopefully after this weekend I will be back to business! I have a lot of homework already...some hard and some super easy.  This weekend I don't really have any plans. Sunday morning I am going to go to church with a friend and his wife and son...so that should be fun.  Other than that I hope to just catch up on some homework and relax a little.

Miss you all! <3

Worry or Anxiety

Worry and anxiety...two things that I am pretty good at.  God has been so completely amazing at showing me He is in charge and that He will take care of me.  This whole experience here has really truly opened my eyes.  Yes, the first couple days were hard...I missed my friends, my family, my boyfriend, my home....but God has a purpose for me here.  He will always take care of me and guide me through any situation.  The hard part about worry and anxiety....is that when it comes about all rationality gets pushed aside and I sometimes forget that God is not putting me into a situation that I can't handle.  Since those first few days my anxiety has ceased and I am much more at home here.  I love my host mom and my friends are pretty good at keeping my mind off of missing home.  God is truly amazing. <3


Now, on the lighter side of things. We are going to a movie tonight! called  Cristo Rey...a Dominican movie.  Apparently it is like Romeo and Juliet?  I am excited!

Also...here are some pictures from the baseball game!

Dios Bendiga!

Obedience.

Well, it has been just over a week and I finally have started a blog :P

I decided to start because I was thinking about starting my own little devotional thing, but I didn't want to have to get another notebook (I already have like three going with other things I'm keeping track of!). I want to let people know of things that I do while I am down here, but also I want them to see the Spiritual growth I am going through! So here we go!


Obedience...it's hard to be obedient sometimes, especially when God wants you to do things that are hard. Of course, for me that thing is being thousands of miles away from my family and friends and my boyfriend for four months.  Yes, I am having tons of fun and meeting a bunch of amazing new people, but sometimes when I am calming down for the night and have time to think...I get sad and lonely.  But something I must remember is that as long as I obey God and I continue to seek Him in everything I do, He will bless me and my trip.  I know that being away is hard, but I also know that it is something I need to do.  I need to become independent, I need to become my own person and depend on only God to get me through.  Slowly I am seeing God work on me in those areas, and I can't wait to see what He has in store for me!


So, now that the serious portion of the entry is over...I have had such an amazing week so far. Except I haven't taken many pictures :/ oops. But that changes today! In like...2 hours we are leaving to go to a baseball game! I am so excited! My mom told me to make sure I keep hold of my camera though...because people are known to steal them! I guess what the strap is for! I'll post pictures when I can!

Dios Bendiga!